Performance pressure

Inspired by the news of November 5th: "The Netherlands is bogged down by far too many highly educated people: '90 percent of time is wasted on PowerPoints.'" Not everyone needs to go to pre-university education—and that could well be our salvation.

I see it with my child at school. The pressure to perform starts earlier and earlier. Even before the end of sixth grade, there's talk of "recommendations," about what's smart, what has potential, and what doesn't. The tone is often well-intentioned, but the message between the lines is crystal clear: those who don't receive a pre-university education (VWO) recommendation will feel a little less included. And that affects me—not just as a parent, but as a person.

Something seems to have shifted in how we view children. Where curiosity, joy, and wonder used to be the foundation, an invisible race is now underway. A race started not by the children themselves, but by the system we've built together. Teachers feel the pressure to deliver results. Parents feel the pressure to "guide" their child to the highest level. And children sense that tension perfectly—even if they can't yet put it into words.

 

The new standard: higher, faster, more

According to recent figures from Statistics Netherlands (CBS), more than half of Dutch people between the ages of 25 and 44 now have a higher professional education (HBO) or university (WO) degree. In the 1980s, that figure was only 11%. What was once an exceptional achievement has now become the norm. We live in an era where higher education is no longer a possibility, but an expectation.

At the same time, the same study shows that almost half of millionaire households have a highly educated primary breadwinner. In our society, "highly educated" isn't just a matter of status, but also of access: to income, opportunities, and appreciation. And that's precisely where the problem begins. Because if economic and social appreciation are linked solely to cognitive performance, we lose sight of something fundamental: humanity.

 

The price children pay

In conversations with parents, I hear it more and more often: children who are sick to their stomachs before test week, who feel stupid because they're "only" allowed to go to pre-university education (HAVO), or who are quietly doing their best to meet expectations they never chose. Performance pressure is no longer something students or young professionals experience—it has permeated our primary school classrooms.

We seem to have forgotten that development isn't linear. Not every brain learns the same way, not every child grows at the same pace. A child who seems dreamy now might turn out to be an inventor later. A student who can't sit still might actually be someone who thinks in motion. But in a system that measures, tests, and compares, there's little room for that. We see the consequences everywhere: more stress, more fear of failure, more children dropping out or getting stuck before they've even really begun. According to international studies by the OECD and WHO, a growing number of young people are struggling with chronic stress and depression, often caused by pressure from school and their environment.

Teachers are also under pressure

In primary education, there are increasingly young teachers or even students from teacher training colleges in the classroom—people who are still in the midst of their own learning process, yet already bear full responsibility for thirty children. While business leaders typically receive additional training, coaching, and leadership development after completing their higher professional or university education, we expect teachers to master these skills naturally. At the same time, they often earn considerably less and receive little guidance. Parents, often highly educated themselves, like to know better than the teacher—with the best intentions, but with a significant impact. If we want our children to be guided by strong, inspired teachers, let's start by treating them as the professionals and training them accordingly.

The Root Cause: Success as a Currency

Our economy rewards grades, titles, and targets. We've come to believe that those who know a lot are also valuable. But knowledge without self-awareness, without empathy or resilience, doesn't build a healthy society. True wealth—as the CBS data also shows—is not just found in diplomas, but in the ability to create something. Most millionaires in the Netherlands are still (former) entrepreneurs: people who dared to do something, not just to know something.

And yet we continue to raise children to be executors of a system that primarily focuses on performance. We forget to ask: What makes you curious? What makes you happy? What do you want to contribute?

What if we did it differently?

Imagine if we stopped seeing the school system as a ladder to climb, and instead saw it as a garden where everyone grows at their own pace. If we stopped asking, "What level are you at?" and started asking, "What are you learning about yourself?" That would not only reduce pressure but also enhance creativity.

Research shows that motivation and resilience aren't born from reward or punishment, but from meaning. A child who is allowed to learn from curiosity naturally develops discipline. A child who feels valued dares to make mistakes—and that's precisely where growth occurs.

In my work as a coach, I see adults who have spent years living according to external expectations. People who are stuck because they once believed they were only good enough when they excelled. If we want the next generation to grow up freer and more resilient, we need to turn that message around now.

 

Revaluation of different forms of intelligence

Howard Gardner already spoke of multiple intelligences: language, logic, visual, musical, movement, social, and intrapersonal intelligence. Yet we still test our children almost exclusively on language and math. What if we taught children to listen to their feelings, collaborate with others, or think creatively as a problem solver? These are skills that are indispensable in a world of change—and they are just as valuable as algebra or grammar.

The call: being human again

I'm not arguing against ambition. I'm arguing for space. Space to discover who you are, not just what you can do. Space for the practical student, for the sensitive child, for the teacher who wants to remain human in an increasingly technical system. We need a society that understands that diverse talent is our strength, not our weakness.

So let's stop glorifying "the highest level." Not everyone needs to go to pre-university education. Some prefer to build, others to comfort, inspire, connect, and create. And those are precisely the qualities that keep our society healthy.

We don't need children who can all do the same thing. We need children who dare to be themselves. That starts at school—but especially with us, the adults who dare to say: You're already good enough. Let's continue learning from there.

— Cecile, parent & coach

Neurolinguistic master and emotion expert

Coach for parents and professionals in strengthening emotional resilience